Time is of the essence, they say, but how much time do you put into a relationship, how do you know when it is time to give up on that relationship, when you don’t feel love anymore? I am in love and have been for a long time, most of my life when you look at how old i am (24) and the fact that I have loved him for 8 years, so it is a third of my life! That in itself is amazing. He is a good man, but he is incapable of making good choices, he sees his world as him being some thug having to sell drugs and gang bang, but I don’t see that at all and am unable to change his perception.  He loves me, I do not doubt that, but I don’t believe he would do anything for love, where love to me is the most important thing in the world, it is all you need right? I dunno, I find myself wondering if I am making the right choices, I pray to God and ask for guidence, but I hear no reply….I have started thinking alot about my soul and the fact that, I’m probably going to hell, I read the bible and a lot of those things God and Jesus want us to do, like forgiveness and love your enemy, I just cannot bring myself to do…..I’m going to hell and that truly scares me. I love God, but I am not perfect nor am I even close to being so, God will forgive my sins yes, but can he forgive someone who continually asks for forgiveness and does the same shit over after she is forgiven? I wonder that about my father and his alcoholism, he said to me he asks for forgiveness, but can God still forgive you if you continue to do it after you have asked for the forgiveness???? Okay I have wondered on and on and on and I just needed to write some stuff that has been weighing hard on my heart mind and soul…this is for myself to get these pent up feelings out not for anyone to really read