Lovely isn’t it…

So after another GREAT weekend with my bf I find myself totally wanting to be with him 24/7 but afraid that living with him would chase him away.  Plus I have my kids mental welfare, I don’t think they are quite ready and honestly neither am I…..I just enjoy being with him.  The kids love him I love him, wtf else could a girl want….well mostly the fact that he isn’t in a position for a family right now mostly stops me.  I mentioned the idea of him usuing me so he had a place to live, so he hasn’t brought that up he plans on doing it himself, and altho he has lived and paid bills and stuff I think I need to let him do it, because its part of growing up, a lesson my ex never learned, was how to take care of himself…obviously still not learning now that he found another woman (who my kids tell me is married!! LMAO) to take care of him, he’s off my back now THANK YOU LORD…
I’m going to have to live in the ghetto tho 😦 I’m sooo scared its not even funny… I have bad luck with apartments in the ghetto and my neighbors, the only two apartments I lived in in Tacoma, there were murders at both, both drug related and one I coulda been shot had I been home cuz I had bullet holes in my ceiling….but its that or being homeless….only for 6 months I’m going to fix my fucking credit get my divorce finalized and then maybe move in with my bf if we are still together, I try to keep my distance because I know he is going to meet someone his age and move on, I mentioned that to him and he said he didn’t think so….I’m still kinda thrown off, he hasn’t told me I’m beautiful or sexi or anything like that…I’m way curious as to why, but does it make me shallow to outright ask if he thinks I’m pretty? I find it best to just leave it…he blows my mind away I can’t stop staring at him, he is so cute and nothing he does is annoying to me well yet….he has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) to an extent, he constantly pics loose hair and fuzzies off my shirt, but I don’t mind…
I totally am shocked at my feelings for him, are they for real or just some rebound shit? I don’t think so I went through the rebound shit with Shane…I look at him and I feel this love that I haven’t felt in a long time.  I want to fucking marry him, like I seriously thought of asking him that, even tho I don’t know about marriage and am still legally married, but only got to fill out some financial paperwork to get that taken care of…sigh, ok going to try and work and stop thinking bout my love, as its 4 more days until I can hold kiss touch him again :(…
Advertisements

New Life

So after years of struggle in my marriage, I finally feel some peace. A little heart ache that it didn’t work, that I had to get divorced the one reason why I waited 7 years to get married in the first place came to pass anyway.  Just God’s way of showing you that His plans will over rule yours everytime I guess.  I met someone else, well I’ve known him for a while.  I didn’t really wanna date him though as I am still married and I have a lot in my life to straighten out, but he is cool and I get the time I need without him trippin bout me being with him all the time or anything, he understands.  I talk to him and being with him makes me happy. He makes me smile and laugh and when I’m with him I feel comforted and loved and in love.  Its too soon my mind keeps telling my heart, but the heart cannot help but to feel what it wants.  There is a huge age difference, but him and I have so much in common its scary, he percieves life similar to me and we like a lot of the same shit, something I didn’t have in my last relationship.  He is very gentle in his touch and kisses, a little too gentle as I usually like it rough, but it still feels great and makes me tingle all over.  He asked me to be his girlfriend on the 16th, I accepted although I fought with it for a while. There are many logical reasons for not being with him, why a long term relationship with him won’t  work, but the heart wants what the heart wants, so I am going with it, even though I’m so scared of the pain that follows….but you can’t stop yourself from loving no matter how hard you try, I’ve already learned that.
Mat having a new girlfriend….how do I feel I am really unsure, maybe a little jealous, but relief mostly because he isn’t obsessed with me anymore and I don’t have to worry bout his threats of taking my kids or anything so it mostly good, plus she has nothing on me anyways lol.  And the fact that he is a awful partner, even when he worked all he did when he came home was eat and watch tv didn’t spend any time with me really….good luck for both of us…and I will keep him in my prayers of course, my kids deserve a good dad, a great dad and I hope he can do that.